The Hardest Part So Far

Funny how 6 months ago seems more like an entire different lifetime. But honestly that's how it feels. My past life was filled with a full time job and peaceful quiet evenings. The sound of yippy little dogs was the only disturbance once I was settled into my recliner for the night. Truly it was my favorite thing, escaping the noise of the day. Patrick Watson was certain onto something with The Great Escape.

That was a lifetime ago though and its far easier to romanticize about where I found a peaceful moment than to remember why I needed it in the first place. 

This new life is more like a Jackson Pollock painting of noise. An attack on the senses with no symmetry or reasoning. I have had my head shoved in the tail section of a T-38 jet, with another person on the outside using basically what amounts to a pneumatic hammer to pound in rivets while I bucked them, for hours on end, and that was still a less abrasive sound than a 3 and 5 year old screeching in argument. I'm not sure at what point children gain volume control of their voices. Or do parents just lose enough hearing that it all equals out? Regardless, the sound of it all is the hardest part so far. 

The sheer volume and constant barrage of sound is a test of patience. Sound sensitivity is a very real issue for many people. And patience is proving to be an uphill battle for me. 

I never had to deal with children, especially day in and day out. My sense of how they interact and how much they understand and my expectation of interaction with them is skewed by only ever having to deal with fellow adults. When they are good, they are great, but when they are not... I find myself feeding into it. It's a side of parenting I must continue to learn. 

It always seems that just about the point I want to start tearing my hair out they flip the switch back to sweet and all that noise and chaos was a lifetime ago.

Weekend projects and a special thanks to Karen and Steve.

Our deck and fence needed a fresh coat of stain. We rented a pressure washer to strip the wood down.

Steve brought us an industrial paint sprayer to make quick work of this project.

Had to get a good soak on the new lattice.

Karen taking a quick break with her pups Finny and Binny.

Still some staining to do on the newly rebuilt deck steps but it already looks a lot better. Hopefully we can get it all finished up this weekend and get back to relaxing outside in the cool evening air. Maybe even a little quiet time when the kids are down for the night. 

My Best Friend's Friends

It comes along with moving to a new place. You meet people. Some will be mere acquaintances while others become more. Some you meet on your own but most of the time you meet new people through someone else. A friend of a friend at first that turn into friendships of their own.

My first visit to Wisconsin came in November last year. It was a short trip up from Oklahoma to see Erin and really to see where I would be moving to the following month. It was also my first introduction to her family and a couple of her friends, Bill and Danni. It's always somewhat awkward the first time you are introduced to new people but this was awkward beyond social norm. I was Erin's new boyfriend and these were friends of Erin and her ex as a couple. Thankfully they were open minded and kind and I am grateful for the hospitality they gave. 

Fast forward and I have come to know and befriend several more people in my short time here. Though I miss my friends in Oklahoma dearly, I have been made to feel very welcome here thanks to Bill and Danni and another great couple, Matt and Rachael. The more people I meet, I know I will have as many Wisconie friends as Okies. 

Saturday a very special event took place here in town. The annual Bicycle Poker Run. I had heard talk of last years so I was excited to be a part of it. Several hundred people, a dozen bars, and an afternoon of shenanigans. 

Showed up early at the starting point and the bikes were already beginning to fill the parking lot.  

Our colorful tie dye clad group

Sara & Eric, Kimberly & Nickolas, Matt, Erin, Danni, Rachael

Cheesing it

Bill & Danni

This guy

Eric & Sara, Matt & Rachael (with Danni jumping in the middle there) and Shawn

Shawn, me, and Matt getting a little handsy.

Finishing where we started, with a kiss.

A great time with a great group of people. Some I already knew and maybe I made a few more new collateral friends. 

As if that doesn't sound awesome enough, on Sunday Erin's mother Karen, of Kareninthewoods fame, and stepfather Steve invited us, along with Erin's other siblings, to a minor league baseball game. What really made it special though was that you could take your dogs along. We met up with them and a group from the Wisconsin Sheltie Rescue.

Bark at the Park.

Getting in some tailgating.

Biscuit soaking up some sun.

Wisconsin Timber Rattlers

I love this beautiful woman.

It was a race against the weather though. The wind blew hard all day as we watched the clouds roll in. The 7th inning stretch would have been the perfect time to leave but we missed our window. The sky opened up and we found ourselves running to the car, kids screaming with about as much unneeded drama as they could muster. We were soaked... 

 and Biscuit was not happy anymore.

A Bushel and A Peck

We were walking through a store last Friday and I saw a little painted sign with a phrase on it. Instant memories from my childhood flooded my head. I knew I had to buy it and mail it to my mother. 

Painted on the sign were some of the words to a short saying I remember my great grandmother singing to me. "I love you, a bushel and a peck, a bushel and a peck, and a hug around the neck, and a hug around the neck."

In the moment it was a smile and a burst of memories of her and her house. Bits and pieces, nothing in particular, no singular event, but the sights and sounds and smells. If I close my eyes I can still very vividly see rooms there as they were arranged and decorated, her garden, apple and plum trees behind her house, and the field we would cut across to walk over from our house. 

A couple of days went by and I thought about the sign again. This time it was less about those memories in particular and more about what I do and don't remember from my childhood. At just 32 I would like to think I still remember a fair amount of it. But do I? It seems like far more of the 'sights and sounds and smells' with sprinkles of being in the moment and recalling what was said or done. Details of familiar places are crystal clear, the rest.... Not really sure. Memory is a fickle thing. It lets you change things without even knowing. Romanticizing this, exaggerate that, it's easy. I can say with some certainty that I had a good sense of my surroundings as a child but maybe not so much what was happening. Usually lost in another one of those daydreams. 

As I started to think about what I did/didn't remember, I began to think about what Chelsea and Clayton, and when we eventually have a new baby, will remember. And what kind of memories I would like to try to give them. At 5 and 3 respectively, they are at a point where memories are being formed but may still be lost or replaced by new memories. (When Do Kids Form Their First Memories) But they most certainly remember things that are happening now or happened months ago and even years. Some great, some good, and some not so good. The more I give it thought the more I want them to be able to look back and say they have many more fond memories than bad. 

Its difficult to say what will form a lasting impression from one person to the next. Personally as I said above, it was more about hard sensory for me. The look of a room, a song sung by my grandmother, my mom's stew that you could smell from the street and you were instantly hungry. But for others it may not be this way. It could need to be presented visually so I'm starting to understand the need to take pictures. Not so much family portraits, there is a level of disdain there, but more candid or in-the-moment posed for pictures to look back on. It's not always easy with this group. Erin and Chelsea are not usually cooperative. 

Can't tell me the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. 

And even Biscuit gives me grief when she knows the camera is pointed at her. 

But Clayton? Oh Clayton can't get enough.

And that's the kind of memory I hope sticks with them. A big cheesy grin and a happy childhood. 

How Do You Spell Love?

There is a popular saying, "Kids spell love T-I-M-E" I honestly
couldn't agree more given where I am in life right now. The effects of spending nearly all day with Chelsea and Clayton can easily be seen when they want to spend every second sitting next to me, doing anything and everything I might be trying to do, or crawling all over me like a jungle gym. Thankfully I'm sturdy. 

But the interpretation of what TIME actually is in this context is as muddy and debatable as the theory of time itself. Its easy to say it means 'quality' time, but what constitutes quality? It can mean as little as being in the same room with them or as much as actively interacting and engaging them intellectually. Playing, teaching, getting down on their level and listening to them-instead of just hearing them talk. That's the difference between time and TIME to me.


Realistically, it's impossible to spend all of your time at high level interaction. Responsibilities creep up on you fast. I am always amazed when I look up and the morning is gone. So often it seems like breakfast was just on the table and I'm already cooking lunch. Then shoes on, Chelsea dropped off at school, and back home to get Clayton down for a nap. A couple hours of quiet time is gone in a blink and its shoes on again to pick Chelsea up from school. Dinner before you
know it and I look up again and I'm reading a bedtime story and tucking them in. It goes by so fast. Most days I am with them from the start of the day until the end and I wonder how much TIME I spent.


So I looked back at this last week and I think we got some really good TIME in. It started with a little dancing.

"I shaking my booty"

We got the kids library cards and go every week to get a fresh batch of books to ready for bedtime. The library is literally right around the corner from us on the same block so most times we will walk over. 

First we need to return our current books.

My favorite from last week:

Then the selection of new books begins. 

Once we have a new batch ready to go we get a little coloring time.

Mother's Day was Sunday so we made Erin some special cards. 

They did a great job with minimal involvement from me. Clayton told me what to write and Chelsea just needed a little help spelling. Tragically I think my hand writing is only slightly better at 32 than hers at 5. Maybe I should practice too. 

Chelsea started her second year of T-Ball this week and I am very excited to be here for it. Baseball is my favorite sport. 

Getting some pre-practice in the backyard before our actual first practice. 

Now the real deal. Ready to take grounders.

All in all a really great week. And then I step back a little more and look at the TIME I spend with Erin. We grow up and become independent, which is incredibly important, but do we ever grow out of spelling love T-I-M-E? I really don't think so. By no means is this anything new. There are songs and poems and books and movies and somewhere there is sure to be an entire collection of Oprah shows dedicated to
the importance of spending meaningful time with your partner. But how often do you think about it? Do you find yourself just sitting in the same room as someone, absorbed in your own world, not even noticing if they were to get up and walk away? That used to be me. That is maybe one of the biggest changes I've made. To give up what I thought was important "me" time and spend real TIME with someone else. That doesn't mean that every moment is filled with mushy gushy super romance or soul searching bonding conversation, though there is plenty of both. It means being together, close together, holding hands or her legs thrown over mine while we sit on the couch together. It means
Netflix binges and making kettle corn. It's taking a walk. It's being together. It's a conscious effort to be more than yourself when you are with them. 

Life comes with a never ending supply of interruptions. Make TIME.

Spring Has Arrived in Wisconsin

It was a beautiful morning here. Easily the nicest day weather-wise since I arrived in my new state in December. Coffee drinking, barefoot on the deck, birds chirping, a couple walking dogs, and a dad pushing a stroller while three other small kids ride their bikes alongside. The sound of power tools emanating from a garage near by reminded me of my own projects for today. But first...coffee and fresh air. Snow blower tucked away in the garage, heavy winter jackets and snow pants packed in the back of the closet, the flowers hesitantly budding as they hope that the last late freeze has come and gone. 

Reminds me of this:

Erin has introduced me to the most amazing variation of biscuits and gravy. Ground turkey as the meat and hollandaise sauce instead of a traditional white gravy mix. A plateful of it and you are full and worthless so I had to be careful. The kids were gone for the weekend and while they are enthusiastic helpers on anything you are doing, it's best to handle projects requiring power tools when you can dedicate your focus. Reclaimed wood projects are all the rage right now so I tried my hand at one. 

Clayton turned 3 last month and we have mastered potty training. He graduated to big boy underwear and is even wearing them overnight with very minimal accidents. He is ready to move from the training potty to the real deal but of course he is still a little short for this so I had to make him a step stool. I had seen several online along the lines of this:

And he has one to use at Grandma Karen's house. I didn't have all the tools listed in this PROJECT GUIDE. But I'm gave it my best shot. I had a pallet at my disposal but it was not in the greatest of shape so I used some other wood we had here at the house. I gave mine a bit of an apple crate feel. 

Here it is pulled out in the position he would use but it tucks under almost all the way when not needed. 

After running around and this project after lunch it was time to settle down and enjoy the beautiful day on the deck. Erin soaked up the sun and a book while I found the shady corner and relaxed. 

Almost too nice to move, but we managed to find time to run to the grocery store and get a couple ingredients for dinner outside. She did all the real work while I took credit for watching the grill.

Balsamic vinegar chicken kabobs, strawberry spinach salad, grilled pineapple, and french bread.

After dinner we picked the kids up and got them tucked into bed. All in all a pretty wonderful day. Nothing to do now but wait for the rain to roll in and fall asleep listening to it pitter-patter against the roof.