I Do and She Does Too

For most people, when they're with someone they truly love and are committed to, there comes a time when they want to let everyone else know what their relationship status is. What better way to do that than a clearly visible symbol and the ultimate relationship "label". I'm talking about a ring and marriage of course. For Erin and I that time came. It seemed to be a little surprising for some as we are both fresh out of past relationships relative to the length we were in them. To those people I would say that just because someone still appears to be in a relationship doesn't mean it didn't end long before everyone else finds out about it, and certainly before its officially over in the eyes of the court system. Also very few people know our whole story which is just the way it is going to stay. And for anyone with any doubts at all, spend more than 10 minutes watching us with each other and its incredibly apparent: its love, very real, meaningful, love and the commitment to making each other happy that marriage should be about. 

We've known we wanted to get married for some time now. It was an eventuality that was discussed at least in a very preliminary way before I moved the thousand miles from Enid, OK to Oconto, WI. The type of ceremony it should be was also discussed as we moved forward with the idea. Nothing big and fancy was our attitude. I had done the whole black and white, church thing before and wasn't looking for that again. The overdone 'look at me' attention was never Erin's style. Her first was on a beach in Jamaica while on vacation with just her ex. No, big wasn't for us. We decided on a backyard ceremony and party with a small group of friends and family in September instead. As we started to plan that out though, even that much of a ceremony seemed to be over-the-top for us. And to be honest, we couldn't wait that long. We have a relationship history of blowing through carefully laid out plans to get closer to each other. That's what you do when you're crazy in love right? 

After our Oklahoma vacation (read all about it here: Part 1, 2, & 3) we started really talking about bumping up the date. We already had a weekend get away planned to go to a concert and it simply just made the most sense when Erin suggested we do it right before. It could be used as a little honeymoon. And a quick and easy, low-key ceremony was exactly what we wanted. One little trip to the county clerk to get a marriage license and date set and we were in business. 

Friday July 24th was the day. Erin's mom, Karen, and stepfather, Steve, along with her dad, Glen, and stepmother, Babsy, were able to come up and be there. But before we went we had to get everyone ready.

Chelsea getting her Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle ribbon sown into place on her dress.

Snuck this one of the bride

Karen, Erin, Chelsea, and Clayton

With everyone ready we headed to the courthouse to get the license signed by the witnesses and then it was time to go before the honorable Judge Michael T. Judge. That's right, Judge Judge.

Chelsea spent the entire ceremony smushed between us.

Clayton getting the ring.

A moment with my new stepdaughter.

Well of course you have to take at least a few wedding pictures right? Lake Michigan provided us the perfect backdrop. 

Trying to get them in before Clayton's waning attention span dissolves completely.

Chelsea, always a lady, keeping it classy.

Mr & Mrs Choate

We had a nice lunch with the family at a restaurant by the bay. Karen couldn't help herself and just had to make our non-wedding at least a little bit traditional by sneaking a cake in on us. 

Afterwards we left the kiddos with their grandparents until their dad picked them up for the weekend. 

Erin has been a huge Dave Matthews Band fan since she was a teenager but had never been to see them live. This was THE concert she had always wanted to see and I was more than happy to be with her for it as I am also a huge fan. We also got to cross off another One Day.

Getting there early at Alpine Valley

The crowd filling in.

It was everything we hoped it would be and we had great night.

Settled back in here at home it doesn't feel much different. There isn't an aura of something new and grandiose. We loved each other wholeheartedly before, so much so that a piece of paper and a couple of rings wasn't going to suddenly elevate it further. So why do it then? Did we need to get married? No. We wanted to. We wanted to be husband and wife. I think there is something far more special about that than doing it because you 'need to' or feel obligated to or even just because you've been with someone so long that you do it just because. 

Ultimately for me it was about being in love. Being in love with Erin and her children and wanting to go beyond just feeling like we were a family already to actually being one in every sense including legally. While I don't get to be their father (I certainly never want to try to take anything away from their biological dad) I'll gladly accept the roll of stepdad any day. And I get to call Erin my wife. I couldn't be happier. 

. 

The Hardest Part So Far

Funny how 6 months ago seems more like an entire different lifetime. But honestly that's how it feels. My past life was filled with a full time job and peaceful quiet evenings. The sound of yippy little dogs was the only disturbance once I was settled into my recliner for the night. Truly it was my favorite thing, escaping the noise of the day. Patrick Watson was certain onto something with The Great Escape.

That was a lifetime ago though and its far easier to romanticize about where I found a peaceful moment than to remember why I needed it in the first place. 

This new life is more like a Jackson Pollock painting of noise. An attack on the senses with no symmetry or reasoning. I have had my head shoved in the tail section of a T-38 jet, with another person on the outside using basically what amounts to a pneumatic hammer to pound in rivets while I bucked them, for hours on end, and that was still a less abrasive sound than a 3 and 5 year old screeching in argument. I'm not sure at what point children gain volume control of their voices. Or do parents just lose enough hearing that it all equals out? Regardless, the sound of it all is the hardest part so far. 

The sheer volume and constant barrage of sound is a test of patience. Sound sensitivity is a very real issue for many people. And patience is proving to be an uphill battle for me. 

I never had to deal with children, especially day in and day out. My sense of how they interact and how much they understand and my expectation of interaction with them is skewed by only ever having to deal with fellow adults. When they are good, they are great, but when they are not... I find myself feeding into it. It's a side of parenting I must continue to learn. 

It always seems that just about the point I want to start tearing my hair out they flip the switch back to sweet and all that noise and chaos was a lifetime ago.

Weekend projects and a special thanks to Karen and Steve.

Our deck and fence needed a fresh coat of stain. We rented a pressure washer to strip the wood down.

Steve brought us an industrial paint sprayer to make quick work of this project.

Had to get a good soak on the new lattice.

Karen taking a quick break with her pups Finny and Binny.

Still some staining to do on the newly rebuilt deck steps but it already looks a lot better. Hopefully we can get it all finished up this weekend and get back to relaxing outside in the cool evening air. Maybe even a little quiet time when the kids are down for the night. 

My Best Friend's Friends

It comes along with moving to a new place. You meet people. Some will be mere acquaintances while others become more. Some you meet on your own but most of the time you meet new people through someone else. A friend of a friend at first that turn into friendships of their own.

My first visit to Wisconsin came in November last year. It was a short trip up from Oklahoma to see Erin and really to see where I would be moving to the following month. It was also my first introduction to her family and a couple of her friends, Bill and Danni. It's always somewhat awkward the first time you are introduced to new people but this was awkward beyond social norm. I was Erin's new boyfriend and these were friends of Erin and her ex as a couple. Thankfully they were open minded and kind and I am grateful for the hospitality they gave. 

Fast forward and I have come to know and befriend several more people in my short time here. Though I miss my friends in Oklahoma dearly, I have been made to feel very welcome here thanks to Bill and Danni and another great couple, Matt and Rachael. The more people I meet, I know I will have as many Wisconie friends as Okies. 

Saturday a very special event took place here in town. The annual Bicycle Poker Run. I had heard talk of last years so I was excited to be a part of it. Several hundred people, a dozen bars, and an afternoon of shenanigans. 

Showed up early at the starting point and the bikes were already beginning to fill the parking lot.  

Our colorful tie dye clad group

Sara & Eric, Kimberly & Nickolas, Matt, Erin, Danni, Rachael

Cheesing it

Bill & Danni

This guy

Eric & Sara, Matt & Rachael (with Danni jumping in the middle there) and Shawn

Shawn, me, and Matt getting a little handsy.

Finishing where we started, with a kiss.

A great time with a great group of people. Some I already knew and maybe I made a few more new collateral friends. 

As if that doesn't sound awesome enough, on Sunday Erin's mother Karen, of Kareninthewoods fame, and stepfather Steve invited us, along with Erin's other siblings, to a minor league baseball game. What really made it special though was that you could take your dogs along. We met up with them and a group from the Wisconsin Sheltie Rescue.

Bark at the Park.

Getting in some tailgating.

Biscuit soaking up some sun.

Wisconsin Timber Rattlers

I love this beautiful woman.

It was a race against the weather though. The wind blew hard all day as we watched the clouds roll in. The 7th inning stretch would have been the perfect time to leave but we missed our window. The sky opened up and we found ourselves running to the car, kids screaming with about as much unneeded drama as they could muster. We were soaked... 

 and Biscuit was not happy anymore.

A Bushel and A Peck

We were walking through a store last Friday and I saw a little painted sign with a phrase on it. Instant memories from my childhood flooded my head. I knew I had to buy it and mail it to my mother. 

Painted on the sign were some of the words to a short saying I remember my great grandmother singing to me. "I love you, a bushel and a peck, a bushel and a peck, and a hug around the neck, and a hug around the neck."

In the moment it was a smile and a burst of memories of her and her house. Bits and pieces, nothing in particular, no singular event, but the sights and sounds and smells. If I close my eyes I can still very vividly see rooms there as they were arranged and decorated, her garden, apple and plum trees behind her house, and the field we would cut across to walk over from our house. 

A couple of days went by and I thought about the sign again. This time it was less about those memories in particular and more about what I do and don't remember from my childhood. At just 32 I would like to think I still remember a fair amount of it. But do I? It seems like far more of the 'sights and sounds and smells' with sprinkles of being in the moment and recalling what was said or done. Details of familiar places are crystal clear, the rest.... Not really sure. Memory is a fickle thing. It lets you change things without even knowing. Romanticizing this, exaggerate that, it's easy. I can say with some certainty that I had a good sense of my surroundings as a child but maybe not so much what was happening. Usually lost in another one of those daydreams. 

As I started to think about what I did/didn't remember, I began to think about what Chelsea and Clayton, and when we eventually have a new baby, will remember. And what kind of memories I would like to try to give them. At 5 and 3 respectively, they are at a point where memories are being formed but may still be lost or replaced by new memories. (When Do Kids Form Their First Memories) But they most certainly remember things that are happening now or happened months ago and even years. Some great, some good, and some not so good. The more I give it thought the more I want them to be able to look back and say they have many more fond memories than bad. 

Its difficult to say what will form a lasting impression from one person to the next. Personally as I said above, it was more about hard sensory for me. The look of a room, a song sung by my grandmother, my mom's stew that you could smell from the street and you were instantly hungry. But for others it may not be this way. It could need to be presented visually so I'm starting to understand the need to take pictures. Not so much family portraits, there is a level of disdain there, but more candid or in-the-moment posed for pictures to look back on. It's not always easy with this group. Erin and Chelsea are not usually cooperative. 

Can't tell me the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. 

And even Biscuit gives me grief when she knows the camera is pointed at her. 

But Clayton? Oh Clayton can't get enough.

And that's the kind of memory I hope sticks with them. A big cheesy grin and a happy childhood.