I Do and She Does Too

For most people, when they're with someone they truly love and are committed to, there comes a time when they want to let everyone else know what their relationship status is. What better way to do that than a clearly visible symbol and the ultimate relationship "label". I'm talking about a ring and marriage of course. For Erin and I that time came. It seemed to be a little surprising for some as we are both fresh out of past relationships relative to the length we were in them. To those people I would say that just because someone still appears to be in a relationship doesn't mean it didn't end long before everyone else finds out about it, and certainly before its officially over in the eyes of the court system. Also very few people know our whole story which is just the way it is going to stay. And for anyone with any doubts at all, spend more than 10 minutes watching us with each other and its incredibly apparent: its love, very real, meaningful, love and the commitment to making each other happy that marriage should be about. 

We've known we wanted to get married for some time now. It was an eventuality that was discussed at least in a very preliminary way before I moved the thousand miles from Enid, OK to Oconto, WI. The type of ceremony it should be was also discussed as we moved forward with the idea. Nothing big and fancy was our attitude. I had done the whole black and white, church thing before and wasn't looking for that again. The overdone 'look at me' attention was never Erin's style. Her first was on a beach in Jamaica while on vacation with just her ex. No, big wasn't for us. We decided on a backyard ceremony and party with a small group of friends and family in September instead. As we started to plan that out though, even that much of a ceremony seemed to be over-the-top for us. And to be honest, we couldn't wait that long. We have a relationship history of blowing through carefully laid out plans to get closer to each other. That's what you do when you're crazy in love right? 

After our Oklahoma vacation (read all about it here: Part 1, 2, & 3) we started really talking about bumping up the date. We already had a weekend get away planned to go to a concert and it simply just made the most sense when Erin suggested we do it right before. It could be used as a little honeymoon. And a quick and easy, low-key ceremony was exactly what we wanted. One little trip to the county clerk to get a marriage license and date set and we were in business. 

Friday July 24th was the day. Erin's mom, Karen, and stepfather, Steve, along with her dad, Glen, and stepmother, Babsy, were able to come up and be there. But before we went we had to get everyone ready.

Chelsea getting her Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle ribbon sown into place on her dress.

Snuck this one of the bride

Karen, Erin, Chelsea, and Clayton

With everyone ready we headed to the courthouse to get the license signed by the witnesses and then it was time to go before the honorable Judge Michael T. Judge. That's right, Judge Judge.

Chelsea spent the entire ceremony smushed between us.

Clayton getting the ring.

A moment with my new stepdaughter.

Well of course you have to take at least a few wedding pictures right? Lake Michigan provided us the perfect backdrop. 

Trying to get them in before Clayton's waning attention span dissolves completely.

Chelsea, always a lady, keeping it classy.

Mr & Mrs Choate

We had a nice lunch with the family at a restaurant by the bay. Karen couldn't help herself and just had to make our non-wedding at least a little bit traditional by sneaking a cake in on us. 

Afterwards we left the kiddos with their grandparents until their dad picked them up for the weekend. 

Erin has been a huge Dave Matthews Band fan since she was a teenager but had never been to see them live. This was THE concert she had always wanted to see and I was more than happy to be with her for it as I am also a huge fan. We also got to cross off another One Day.

Getting there early at Alpine Valley

The crowd filling in.

It was everything we hoped it would be and we had great night.

Settled back in here at home it doesn't feel much different. There isn't an aura of something new and grandiose. We loved each other wholeheartedly before, so much so that a piece of paper and a couple of rings wasn't going to suddenly elevate it further. So why do it then? Did we need to get married? No. We wanted to. We wanted to be husband and wife. I think there is something far more special about that than doing it because you 'need to' or feel obligated to or even just because you've been with someone so long that you do it just because. 

Ultimately for me it was about being in love. Being in love with Erin and her children and wanting to go beyond just feeling like we were a family already to actually being one in every sense including legally. While I don't get to be their father (I certainly never want to try to take anything away from their biological dad) I'll gladly accept the roll of stepdad any day. And I get to call Erin my wife. I couldn't be happier. 

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My Best Friend's Friends

It comes along with moving to a new place. You meet people. Some will be mere acquaintances while others become more. Some you meet on your own but most of the time you meet new people through someone else. A friend of a friend at first that turn into friendships of their own.

My first visit to Wisconsin came in November last year. It was a short trip up from Oklahoma to see Erin and really to see where I would be moving to the following month. It was also my first introduction to her family and a couple of her friends, Bill and Danni. It's always somewhat awkward the first time you are introduced to new people but this was awkward beyond social norm. I was Erin's new boyfriend and these were friends of Erin and her ex as a couple. Thankfully they were open minded and kind and I am grateful for the hospitality they gave. 

Fast forward and I have come to know and befriend several more people in my short time here. Though I miss my friends in Oklahoma dearly, I have been made to feel very welcome here thanks to Bill and Danni and another great couple, Matt and Rachael. The more people I meet, I know I will have as many Wisconie friends as Okies. 

Saturday a very special event took place here in town. The annual Bicycle Poker Run. I had heard talk of last years so I was excited to be a part of it. Several hundred people, a dozen bars, and an afternoon of shenanigans. 

Showed up early at the starting point and the bikes were already beginning to fill the parking lot.  

Our colorful tie dye clad group

Sara & Eric, Kimberly & Nickolas, Matt, Erin, Danni, Rachael

Cheesing it

Bill & Danni

This guy

Eric & Sara, Matt & Rachael (with Danni jumping in the middle there) and Shawn

Shawn, me, and Matt getting a little handsy.

Finishing where we started, with a kiss.

A great time with a great group of people. Some I already knew and maybe I made a few more new collateral friends. 

As if that doesn't sound awesome enough, on Sunday Erin's mother Karen, of Kareninthewoods fame, and stepfather Steve invited us, along with Erin's other siblings, to a minor league baseball game. What really made it special though was that you could take your dogs along. We met up with them and a group from the Wisconsin Sheltie Rescue.

Bark at the Park.

Getting in some tailgating.

Biscuit soaking up some sun.

Wisconsin Timber Rattlers

I love this beautiful woman.

It was a race against the weather though. The wind blew hard all day as we watched the clouds roll in. The 7th inning stretch would have been the perfect time to leave but we missed our window. The sky opened up and we found ourselves running to the car, kids screaming with about as much unneeded drama as they could muster. We were soaked... 

 and Biscuit was not happy anymore.

How Do You Spell Love?

There is a popular saying, "Kids spell love T-I-M-E" I honestly
couldn't agree more given where I am in life right now. The effects of spending nearly all day with Chelsea and Clayton can easily be seen when they want to spend every second sitting next to me, doing anything and everything I might be trying to do, or crawling all over me like a jungle gym. Thankfully I'm sturdy. 

But the interpretation of what TIME actually is in this context is as muddy and debatable as the theory of time itself. Its easy to say it means 'quality' time, but what constitutes quality? It can mean as little as being in the same room with them or as much as actively interacting and engaging them intellectually. Playing, teaching, getting down on their level and listening to them-instead of just hearing them talk. That's the difference between time and TIME to me.


Realistically, it's impossible to spend all of your time at high level interaction. Responsibilities creep up on you fast. I am always amazed when I look up and the morning is gone. So often it seems like breakfast was just on the table and I'm already cooking lunch. Then shoes on, Chelsea dropped off at school, and back home to get Clayton down for a nap. A couple hours of quiet time is gone in a blink and its shoes on again to pick Chelsea up from school. Dinner before you
know it and I look up again and I'm reading a bedtime story and tucking them in. It goes by so fast. Most days I am with them from the start of the day until the end and I wonder how much TIME I spent.


So I looked back at this last week and I think we got some really good TIME in. It started with a little dancing.

"I shaking my booty"

We got the kids library cards and go every week to get a fresh batch of books to ready for bedtime. The library is literally right around the corner from us on the same block so most times we will walk over. 

First we need to return our current books.

My favorite from last week:

Then the selection of new books begins. 

Once we have a new batch ready to go we get a little coloring time.

Mother's Day was Sunday so we made Erin some special cards. 

They did a great job with minimal involvement from me. Clayton told me what to write and Chelsea just needed a little help spelling. Tragically I think my hand writing is only slightly better at 32 than hers at 5. Maybe I should practice too. 

Chelsea started her second year of T-Ball this week and I am very excited to be here for it. Baseball is my favorite sport. 

Getting some pre-practice in the backyard before our actual first practice. 

Now the real deal. Ready to take grounders.

All in all a really great week. And then I step back a little more and look at the TIME I spend with Erin. We grow up and become independent, which is incredibly important, but do we ever grow out of spelling love T-I-M-E? I really don't think so. By no means is this anything new. There are songs and poems and books and movies and somewhere there is sure to be an entire collection of Oprah shows dedicated to
the importance of spending meaningful time with your partner. But how often do you think about it? Do you find yourself just sitting in the same room as someone, absorbed in your own world, not even noticing if they were to get up and walk away? That used to be me. That is maybe one of the biggest changes I've made. To give up what I thought was important "me" time and spend real TIME with someone else. That doesn't mean that every moment is filled with mushy gushy super romance or soul searching bonding conversation, though there is plenty of both. It means being together, close together, holding hands or her legs thrown over mine while we sit on the couch together. It means
Netflix binges and making kettle corn. It's taking a walk. It's being together. It's a conscious effort to be more than yourself when you are with them. 

Life comes with a never ending supply of interruptions. Make TIME.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

To borrow from one of my all time favorites Tom Petty, the waiting is the hardest part. To be more specific, waiting to know if your fiance is pregnant or not is indeed the hardest part. That's where I am right now. That's where WE are -I should say- because from the moment the decision was made to have a child together, everything to do with it became ours. Now don't get me wrong, she, Erin, is the superstar in this whole thing and she gets all of the credit. I simply mean I will be there every step of the way and be her greatest supporter. But we will get there. Lets get back to that waiting.... And waiting.... 

This is our first month trying to conceive. So far no positive tests, but we will find out today...one way or another. It would be incredible if it happens this first time around but I'm trying to stay realistic about the possibility that it won't happen this time. Or even for several months.

Our decision was made during one of those 1 a.m. conversations. The ones where you are both completely exhausted but wide awake.

Erin: "Do you ever think about us having a baby?"

Me: "Yeah"

That may seem like a very innocuous start to such a huge life decision but context is key. I never wanted kids. In fact I have spent my entire adult life bucking the very idea. Enthusiastically, and sometimes angrily, debating with anyone that suggested I should have "at least one". My laundry list of reasons was extensive to say the least. I went as far as to have a very serious conversation with my ex-wife before we were married to make sure she completely understood my position on the subject. Every couple should have that conversation before marriage. 

So you may be asking what changed? Why the seemingly sudden 180 on a hard line conviction I held onto with vise-like grip?

I changed. Everything. 

That's what this blog is and will be all about. Changing. The ones I've already made, the ones I'm making, and the ones that will come with becoming a father. I invite you along for my journey into Dad-hood.

Everything I never knew I wanted finally right in front of me.