Looking Back, Looking Forward

To borrow from one of my all time favorites Tom Petty, the waiting is the hardest part. To be more specific, waiting to know if your fiance is pregnant or not is indeed the hardest part. That's where I am right now. That's where WE are -I should say- because from the moment the decision was made to have a child together, everything to do with it became ours. Now don't get me wrong, she, Erin, is the superstar in this whole thing and she gets all of the credit. I simply mean I will be there every step of the way and be her greatest supporter. But we will get there. Lets get back to that waiting.... And waiting.... 

This is our first month trying to conceive. So far no positive tests, but we will find out today...one way or another. It would be incredible if it happens this first time around but I'm trying to stay realistic about the possibility that it won't happen this time. Or even for several months.

Our decision was made during one of those 1 a.m. conversations. The ones where you are both completely exhausted but wide awake.

Erin: "Do you ever think about us having a baby?"

Me: "Yeah"

That may seem like a very innocuous start to such a huge life decision but context is key. I never wanted kids. In fact I have spent my entire adult life bucking the very idea. Enthusiastically, and sometimes angrily, debating with anyone that suggested I should have "at least one". My laundry list of reasons was extensive to say the least. I went as far as to have a very serious conversation with my ex-wife before we were married to make sure she completely understood my position on the subject. Every couple should have that conversation before marriage. 

So you may be asking what changed? Why the seemingly sudden 180 on a hard line conviction I held onto with vise-like grip?

I changed. Everything. 

That's what this blog is and will be all about. Changing. The ones I've already made, the ones I'm making, and the ones that will come with becoming a father. I invite you along for my journey into Dad-hood.

Everything I never knew I wanted finally right in front of me.